Grateful

After this past weekend, I realize I have a lot to be thankful for.


While sitting in the sterile hospital, watching my fragile sick boy just lay there, listening to the haunting cries of other babies/kids in the wing, I never though I could miss my seemingly ordinary days so much.

I am so grateful for:

-my little boys chubby arms; even though he lost at least a pound and a half, it took 3 doctors to find a vein so it means he is still healthy enough to thrive


-my rocking chair; then I could rock Carter comfortably and smoothly while he depended on me to make his world better


-noisy toys; it means Carter is smart enough to turn them on


-loud screams; my baby has enough energy to produce vocals


-his desire to walk; it means he has determination, a mind of his own


-belly laughs; it means he happy and has a personality

-our family and friends; we can always count on them to help us out in time of need.


I know that with a boy, especially one with Mark's sickness DNA that we will probably end up in the ER more than once, I never thought it would be within his first year.

As a parent, we all have to go through these things.

I will be better prepared for the next time, and we all have to make mistakes to improve.

7 months down :)

Another 30 days has come and gone, and my little beast is growing, learning, exploring and teething!! (sorry Jackie)

I am amazed by how much he has changed this month. He is learning so many new things with his hands and face and mouth, it wont be much longer before I am at work and this sweet little boy is destroying my house and talking back with the attitude I somehow passed along to him(of all the things!)

At 7 months Carter :

- is 17lbs (gained 10lbs in 7 months)
- is 26 inches long (apparently he shrunk from last month, but Im pretty sure he grew taller, but what do I know, Im not the one with the measuring tape....MARK)
- is wearing 6-9 month clothing, and some 12 month
- has discovered standing at the coffee table, and refuses to sit now
- started to cruise when standing at the coffee table
- has moved himself backwards a couple time when on his tummy
- working on his first tooth; we noticed a little bubble looking thing last night and I felt a bit of sharpness today, but I think he's still got a few more days before its coming out for good
- eating so much food! 3 meals a day and has all sorts of veggies and is just starting pears then we will move onto more fruit
- sleeps thru the night!! 8pm-7am. So Awesome!!!!
- is in such a good mood all the time now (except with this teething business)
- LOVES technology (he is his fathers boy). He loves TV, always reaches for the remote, thwireless keyboard and cell phones
- has had cold #2...baby colds are brutal
- is on a regular schedule of eating and sleeping
- has gone for his first over-nighter to GG and Grumpas
- starting to stick his tongue out again
- makes all sorts of scrunch faces
- has starting hitting everything with his hand
- loves feeling everything's texture now, scratching his nails against it
- still loves Cheeko, and always has laughs for a yawn or lip licking
- has rediscovered his voice again. Constant screeching in this house!
- pulls himself up in his stroller, to get a better view of whats happening
- still a bit shy outside of the house. People have to work for their smiles

I never thought I would love anyone more than I love Mark, but every day I love this kid more and more. He is so smart, and so determined (aka stubborn, yet another trait from me) that I can't wait to see what kind of little boy he is going to turn into.
Every parent thinks their kid is the best, the cutest, the smartest. But they are wrong.
Cuz my kid is!

Fit to be a parent??

So I was returing our rented shampooer to Safeway on Monday and I decided to take Carter out of the carseat and carry him in the store with me.
While waiting for someone to help me, I sat Carter on the counter and gave him a rattle which he started pounding on the glass countertop.
When the Customer Service girl came to help me, she was gooing and gaaing at Carter and having a gay ol time with him.
She needed me to sign some paperwork, at which point I picked Carter up and held him while I grabbed the pen. She offered to hold the paper and all I had to do was sign, but I told her it was ok, it was actaully easier if I used the same hand I was holding Carter in to hold the paper and I would sign with my other hand.
She said ' Oh I figured you Moms wouldnt need any help! You guys have it all figured out!".

Its funny how sometimes you feel like you are having a disaster day, you havent showered( your messy hair in a half assed pony tail is the sure-fire sign!), your kid just puked all over his jacket and crapped his diaper (to which even a homeless person would say stinks) and to someone elses eyes, you have it all together, the perfect Mom.

But what makes a 'perfect' parent?
Your age? Your marital status? The fact that you've wanted kids since you got your first dolly at the tender age of 2?

I was watching this episode of Dr Phil (or Dr Full as Mark likes to call him!) a few weeks ago, and they had a 17yr old girl with her 18yr old bf and they were battling with everyone about the upbringing of their infant daughter.
Everyone was against them. Everyone but the boys father, and me. The boys father was allowing the teens to live with him, and he was helping out with raising his little granddaughter.

Now, I am not all for babies having babies, but yes, they did make a mistake and got pregnant (the first time they had sex, as they claim) and yes, they are young and unemployed, but does that make them bad parents? The 18yr old did have some random part time jobs, so its not like he was sitting on his ass all day playing video games and not making an effort. Were they financially prepared to take on a responsibility so huge as a BABY? No, but who is? You always hear the excuse of people saying 'oh, were going to wait until we can afford it.' If you wait, you aint having kids. Everyone is poor. Get over it. Its called the Recession.
Dr Phil showed a couple pics of the very cute little girl. She was healthy, bright and alive. They were doing something right! There was one picture that showed the baby laying on her tummy to sleep, and Dr Full went on a rampage about they were awful parents since they should know that that causes SIDS, to which the teen mom replied her doctor told her to put her to sleep that way.
If you dont want this 17yr old girl to be a mother to her baby simply because she lays her to sleep on her stomach then take my child away too.
I stopped breastfeeding my child at 4 months. (Oh gasp- the agony. Whisper Whisper Whisper)
My kid has plowed his head onto the floor more times in the last month than I can could on 2 hands, the most recent episode being 2 hrs go.
We let him chew on a pea pod 3 nights ago and we are pretty sure he bit the tip of the pod off and started chocking since his face went all red and he was only half breathing and coughing.

Am I proud of these things?
Absolutely not.
But my kid is just that, a kid.
He is going to fall and even break bones.
He is going to swallow something whole and have a hard time digesting it.
He is going to eat grass. Touch dog poo. Play with his weenie. Pick his nose and eat it and probably enjoy it!

Just because they are teens does not make them bad parents.
Just because I am a 26 yr old married woman does not make me a good parent.

If people gave up kids every single time just because they were teenagers, or just because they were single, or just because they didnt feel like they had the nurturing mother gene, then we would have a whole lotta lonely kids in this world.

Millions of teens, single parents, poor parents, rich parents and crackheads alike have been raising their children for years. This is not a new concept. There is no such thing as a perfect parent.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. All you are seeing is what they want you to see.

1/2 way to 1

Carter is 6 months old.
1/2 a year.
26 weeks.

No matter how I say it, he is growing up so fast. No longer my little helpless baby boy. He is my independent, smart and happy little boy.

In the first few months when I was really struggling with Carters tummy problems and my anxiety, I would have paid any amount of money to fast forward the time through all the heartache and pain, and now that he is growing up so fast, and learning new things and becoming this little human being, I would pay any amount of money to slow time down.

Every day is a new journey with this guy, and sometimes we just sit there for a half an hour making silly faces and smiling at each other. My heart is filled with so much love for him.

I think that this is the best age. He is so alert and understands so much, can entertain himself, and laughs at the silliest things, but can't talk back or move!


At 6 months, Carter
- is 16lbs 2 oz
- is 26 1/2 inches long
- is wearing 6 month and 6-9 month clothing
- sits on his own
- hates loud sounds like the vaccuum and my blowdryer
- loves peek-a-boo
- loves when I sing to him, espcially Wheels on the Bus
- still loves faces, but now grabs for the hair and glasses
- still no teeth
- eats 2 meals of rice cereal, and has had sweet potatoes but doesn't care for them
- loves to walk, and will stand on his own when propped up against something
- will balance himself when he's wobbly when he stands
- just started sleeping through the night again
- makes all sorts of sounds, espeically 'm' sounds
- loves to raspberry with his tongue and sent spit flying everywhere
- thinks the dog is hilarious when he licks his lips or yawns or chews his bone
- will push himself up when doing tummy time
- can roll but doesnt
- is all over in his crib now, he is never in the same spot you put him to sleep in
- is taking his sweet time growing his hair
- recognizes faces (me, Mark, grandparents, playgroup)

5 amazing months!

I think I say this every month, but I cannot believe another month has passed!
I love watching this little baby grow into a little man, he is learning things so fast and has become very interesting to watch.
I am completely smitten with him!

At 5 months, Carter:
- is 15lbs 8 oz (slowest weight gain to date, 8 little ounces!)
- is 25.5 inches long
- is in 3-6 month and 6 month clothing
- is always talking and has even started shrieking and making all kinds of different sounds with his voice
- has started to raspberry and is sticking his tongue out now
- still has everything in his mouth, this teething process is ridiculous
- loves touching faces, and grabbing hair, clothes and everything else he can get his little hands on
- hasn't rolled over yet, but will get onto his side from his back
- still hates tummy time and usually results in puke all over the place
- is still a puker. We were doing good for a couple weeks and now the regular Carter Pukemachine is back
- loves laughing. Kissing his belly always results in major giggles
- loves playing in his excersaucer and jumperoo and jolly jumper
- still not sleeping thru the night, but he usually gives me a solid 7 hrs
- will splash in the pool when he sees someone else splashing first
- is starting to sit on his own (hellejulah! he DOES know how to sit)
- really dislikes his carseat and doesnt always fall asleep in the truck anymore....boooo!
- is starting rice cereal today
- loves petting Cheeko....Cheeko has different feelings about this action
- is starting cold #2.....baby colds are BRUTAL
- rubs his eyes when he is tired

4 months

The Beast is 4 months old!

At 4 months, Carter:
- is 15lbs (holy porker!)
- 24 3/4 inches short
- is now on formula
- is putting everything in his mouth
- is getting better at tummy time, but will usually last only a few minutes
- has found his feet, but prefers to use the left hand only
- survived his first cold
- went on a roadtrip to Calgary
- can sit on his lonesome for a few seconds
- still prefers to stand
- loves screens...TV, computer, cell phones
- is not sleeping thru the night anymore
- is in 3-6 month clothes, but some sleepers are close to retirement
- is moving in size 3 diapers
- always watches us eat, and will grab the bowl/plate
- likes to hear himself talk....especially at 4am
- hates being restrained (carseat, bumbo)
- will do a half sit-up to try and get out of his carseat, vibrating chair and swing

Tired

No one said being a parent was going to be the hardest job of my life.
And I've had a lot of jobs.



I am so tired.
I am so tired of being puked on.
I am so tired of people telling me its normal. Its not.
I am so tired of telling people my kid pukes a lot, and then he never pukes around people.
I am so tired of putting a clean pair of jeans on, or a nice shirt and having it puked on 2 seconds alter.
I am so tired of wearing the same old pukey pajamas for days on end.
I am so tired of my carpets and furniture and brand new $300 rocking chair being puked on.
I am so tired of doing laundry.
I am so tired of my cranky baby.
I am so tired of waking at night to feed him.
I am so tired of barely making it 2 hrs before he wants to eat.
I am so tired of breastfeeding and the dedication it takes.
I am so tired of trying to get back to sleep in the middle of the night.
I am so tired of feeling like a single parent.
I am so tired.
I.am.so.tired.

I dont know what I was expecting out of parenthood, but this wasnt it.

* DISCLAIMER:
I love my son to bits, and I wouldnt trade him for the world
I guess I am just having a hard time with sleep deprivation and still trying to adjust to my new world.